


hollow illusions

by FaiaSakura



Series: (you're) all I wanted [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode Related, F/F, Friendship, Gen, Quoiromantic Character, References to Child Abuse, References to Torture, S1E03 Razz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 19:26:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17229806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaiaSakura/pseuds/FaiaSakura
Summary: Unlike her best friend, Catra never held any illusions about Lord Hordak or the Horde.





	hollow illusions

**Author's Note:**

> Set in season 1 episode 3, Razz.

Catra thrashes against the creeping black tendrils Shadow Weaver entraps her with, despite knowing the futility. This trick has been used on her time and time again, and it never fails to inspire sudden dread that this fuck-up might be Catra’s last fuck-up—Catra’s last anything. The shadows never budge, regardless of how hard she struggles.

The dark magic doesn’t give, and all she manages is rubbing her fur all out of order. That she is still conscious and able to resist, no matter how pointless the efforts are, lessens her fear incrementally—unless Shadow Weaver intends to prolong her suffering before disposing of her. She can’t see or hear anything but continues to fight against the bindings—no way she will make this easy for her dear guardian.

Suddenly, the magic recedes all at once and Catra hits the ground in an awkward sprawl. Before she can scramble up and escape, Shadow Weaver is hauling her up and dragging her towards—

—Hordak’s lair.

The dim hallways she needs her night vision to see in and the crackling power that sets her hair on end are unmistakable for all that Catra has only been here once before. Shadow Weaver has never liked Catra, always finding her lacking in any regard worth measuring, and only brought her here once—to present her and Adora to Hordak as new ward—new pawns, really.

Perhaps Hordak has some secret torture device meant for interrogations. Catra tries to break free of Shadow Weaver’s iron-grip, to no avail. This is not good, not good at all. She coasted on the edge of disobedience without causing too much trouble specifically to avoid Hordak’s wrath and is fully aware of the actions their illustrious leader might do to her.

But that fear ratcheting up with each step they take? It is still nothing compared to the terror that spikes at the thought of Shadow Weaver and Lord Hordak finding out Adora is now a princess. She knows what would happen to Adora. Unlike her best friend, Catra never held any illusions about Lord Hordak or the Horde—the war they fight, the destruction they cause. Catra doesn’t enjoy the madness per se, but there was never another option. Why not go with the only path ever placed before her?

Catra might as well sign a death sentence for Adora herself if she is forced to tell them the truth. Becoming a princess and active nuisance against the Horde is a betrayal far greater than simple defection and would surely warrant personal attention from Hordak—an attention that not even sparkly princess powers or new princess friends can protect Adora from.

By some lucky twist of fate, Hordak doesn’t even question her about the failed mission. Suck it, Shadow Weaver.

Instead, Catra marches off holding Force Captain pin.

\--

Catra returns to an empty dorm and her eyes drift to where she scratched out the childhood drawing of her and Adora yesterday… Was it really just yesterday that all her visions of the future crumpled to dust? Her smirk, her entire façade of confidence she just strutted down the hallways with, falls as she stands alone, the only person who ever made this a home gone.

Sharp corners prick at her skin as Catra grips the Force Captain pin hard enough to break skin, her nails also digging into surrounding flesh. But what is a few drops of blood compared to the hollowed-out heart somehow still beating strong in her chest? Compared to the empty ache she feels anew with each heartbeat?

This was never the plan. Adora should be Force Captain. Adora had been Force Captain, for a single day, before throwing it—and Catra—away. Like that wasn’t her life-long goal. Like Catra wasn’t her life-long best friend.

Catra grew up knowing that she would always be second-best but why would she care about the Horde hierarchy as long as she was still above those other miserable wretches she is stuck with? She never held delusions of being captain material upon finishing training, but that just meant she could stay at Adora’s side. Pesky chain of commands would not split them up onto different squads; the inseparable Adora and Catra would travel far and wide, taking names and breaking hearts.

_Previously_ inseparable Adora and Catra, anyways. Somehow, Catra is the one holding this stupid pin while Adora has changed sides completely.

Is she the real naïve one, given that her intended future has become shreds of an empty fantasy? Daydreams that now seem fanciful, of Adora leading the way—first as a captain conquering the lands, then as a commander calling the shots at base—with Catra one step behind, were what pushed Catra through training in the first place. Well, that and how Shadow Weaver would have sooner killed her than let her fail out.

Has she just been chasing illusions this whole time?

Catra forces her fingers to unclench and stares at the Force Captain pin lying innocently on her palm, flecks of her blood on it doing little to obscure its shine.

There is still only one path for her to take.

Maybe Adora has given up Catra in favor of the first pretty princess to cross her path but Catra isn’t giving up so easily.

(Catra has spent her entire life chasing after Adora. What else is there for her?) 

**Author's Note:**

> Catra is such an interesting character to explore, and I'll be doing more of these episode related drabbles as inspiration hits.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3 Kudos and comments are much appreciated. Come say hi on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/FaiaSakura) or [Tumblr](http://faiasakura.tumblr.com)!


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